The Haunting Letter

Alas, its content must remain anonymous… for now

It’s late. You stare at one of your many aquariums. The tank light is off but you can still see the neon tetras flitting about in the darkness. Hence the name. Oh, to be one of them. Cared for. No predators. Mating with impunity.

Once, when you were a boy, your brother had become terribly mad at you. You don’t remember why. He’d taken it out on your butterfly collection, breaking the mounts with a baseball bat. Grimly, you imagine Sarah smashing your aquariums, myriad fish splashing onto the floor gasping for air. Outside you hear the wind blowing down from the mountains.

Enough. Turn off your computer. Make sure the house lights are off as well, the front, the back and the hallway. The girls always leave every light on. They are teenagers.

Has it only been three days since receiving the letter? It seems painfully longer. You are in purgatory, riven by dread, knowing yet unknowing what terror awaits you. The extortionist had given you ten days from the postmark to sort out your payment. Waiting for the gallows, you would have expected time to pass faster.

Take your pills. Brush your teeth. Find the bed in the darkness. Slip under the covers, next to your wife who, tonight, is not snoring. Not yet anyway. Hopefully she won’t before you fall asleep.

To be continued…

The Magnificent Death (3)

You are rounding a bend on a slope. The trail has become thin from lack of use, the rains having nearly washed it away. A vague impression persisted but it was enough. Beneath your feet, the decomposing leaves smelt of wetness and earth, pine needles and moss. Death was here but not death. No sadness to it. No fear… You detect a rustling. You pause, still as a deer. Something was out there. Escaping you? Stalking you? You had no way of knowing. But you are not frightened. You ached to see it. Wishing whatever it was would come out to face you.

Many years ago, you were driving in the woods at night. It was late and it was completely dark. You’d rented a cabin with ______. Coming home from a roadhouse, drunk, attempting to find it. Turning a bend your headlights met two eyes. A deer? You stopped the car. A giant white owl stood like a ghost, staring right at you. Only for a moment. Then it was gone, disappearing into the darkest night. Such creatures were rare, even as far north as you were. Sometimes you think it was a vision. In time ______ would forget all about it. But you never did. You’ve been looking for that sacred animal ever since.

To be continued…

On birthdays, mine in particular…

Homemade beats Hallmark every time…

Once again, I am lax in my dutiful coverage of all things ad-related. This time I have precious few excuses save for the usual “too busy at work.” Oh, but wait a minute. There is this: I had a birthday. That’s right I turned 77 years old last Sunday.

No, I am not that old. However, I do remember when editors cut TV commercials with razor blades on a wheel. (Alas, I am not kidding.) This, of course means I also remember TV commercials. Dag nabbit, those were nifty!

All joking aside, it was pretty special celebrating a birthday in my new home. My wife took to me to a French restaurant in the city. And when I got home my eldest daughter had homemade cake waiting for me as a surprise. In addition, she made me a lovely card (above), which I will cherish forever.

Riffing on birthdays, I looked up the history of them on Wikipedia. I learned precious little. Apparently, the tradition goes back before any one specific event. It’s a worldwide concept, spanning all cultures, seemingly as old as time itself, or at least calendars.

From Wikipedia this fun fact: “According to a public database, birthdays in the United States are quite evenly distributed for the most part. However, there tend to be more births in September and October. This may be because there is a holiday season nine months before, or from the fact that the longest nights of the year happen in the Northern Hemisphere nine months before as well.” I guess winter is good for something besides skiing.

Since birthdays are almost always celebrated with gifts I wonder what impact they have on marketing and advertising. Though obviously not a clustered event like Christmas there are undoubtedly a shit-ton every day of the year. While we can’t measure the upside to sellers one can certainly imagine the downside if birthdays were not marked by gift giving. A weird thought, I know. But just imagine how crappy the sale of birthday candles would be. And what about certain precious stones, like rubies, which happen to be the birthstone of July?

Anyway, I beg your pardon for this most random post and I thank you for your best wishes, however belated. In lieu of giving me rubies please donate a few shekels to your favorite charity on my behalf.