Trying to strike oil from eighties, TNT remakes “Dallas.”

December 2, 2011

The iconic TV show Dallas, about Big Oil in Big D, is getting a reboot from TNT; proving if nothing else that our dependence on oil is getting very, very old.

When I was a kid Dallas was prime time entertainment for a whole lot of people. The show rapidly became a global phenomenon, reaching its zenith with the infamous question heard ‘round the world: “Who shot JR?”

Like a lot of boys –at least those of us born north- I didn’t give two shits about Dallas. I couldn’t get past JR Ewing’s big dumb hat. I mean the guy had a belt buckle with his initials on it. What a doushebag! I suppose the women were hot but the shoulder pads and big hair made them –and all women from that era- seem bossy and strange.

But the world disagreed with me. For better and worse, Dallas defined America for many of its citizens and likely even more outsiders. The USA was the Land of milk and honey and now, oil. Ye-ha!

America’s first D-bag?

How about the timing? Can anything be more politically incorrect than the ostentatious wealth of fossil fuel billionaires? Judging from the trailer, TNT wants to exploit that tension, giving the show a new young cast and placing them in the long shadows of their rich dads. “I don’t want them to become like us,” exclaims veteran Patrick Duffy to silverback, Larry Hagman.

Really? I think it would be hilarious if the kids were jobless slackers or better yet, part of the Occupy Movement. Not likely, however. I’m guessing the brats will just be hotties and hunks blowing Big Daddy’s money on fast cars and bad decisions.

Either way, I won’t be watching.


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