July burn: distracted by real life.
July 19, 2010
Some people I care about are in pain. A Marriage is blowing up –quietly on the outside; loudly within I’m sure. There are children, who make these things complicated, torturous and toxic. For them. And for their parents. It’s bad.
Without great sin involved, taking sides is ridiculous. He’s not a villain and she’s not a witch. Shit happens.
Alone now, my own children sleeping, I sit here in front of my computer, doing what I always do when my mind is feverish: I write. But unlike conjuring a tag line or pithy words about a current event, for this I got nothing.
And so I said to the man whose wife is leaving and taking the children with her: In one year things will be fantastic, you just can’t see it now. Let her go…for now. Let her have the little ones…for now. Things are too toxic. The damages are severe and accruing. Rightly or wrongly, she is the nurturer. In one year things will be fantastic. Compared to now.
Is this advice? If so, is it good advice? As we get older they say we get wiser. I wonder, then, why so much shit happens when we get older. I have an idea. The expectations of youth ferment into resentments. We expect our marriages and our families and our jobs to always be right by us. When they are not, we are left impotent and seething. It is almost worse not having a villain. We look inward. Maybe we learn from it. But more likely we burn. Bad things can happen. We make poor decisions. Alcohol and people are waiting to intoxicate us.
Getting over loss is brutal. I’m not referring to death. Not here. In a way, unless unforeseen, death is a mercy. Unlike an estranged spouse, or former job, it is not still there, residing with another.
And so I said to the man who just lost his job and has no idea what’s next: In one year things will be fantastic, you just can’t see it now.
Alone now, in front of my computer, I pray that they do see it even if I know that they can’t or won’t. I also pray that I see it should something like that ever happen to me.