“Pair-of-normal activity” Eric & Kathy in your morning face!

November 4, 2009

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“We Want You! We Are You!”

I had an angry, violent reaction to the radio this morning. I am only just recovering. Hopefully, putting these thoughts down will mitigate the pain. I don’t know…

Some context: My wife was obliged to drive me to work, a rare event. My three daughters were also in the car, on route to school. As we all know, “morning drive time” is still a bastion of mass media -a radio stronghold. Mrs. Postaer had on a particular show: Eric & Kathy in the Morning.

I know Eric and Kathy from their innocuous billboards around Chicago. I am aware of their radio show from bits and pieces. However, I have never had to endure more than a few minutes with them. Until today.

Today, I learned why America’s mainstream is also a clogged artery. Today, I learned why terrorists want to kill us. Today, I became a victim of Eric & Kathy in the Morning. After 10 minutes of excruciating, inane patter I wanted to end my marriage – if for no other reason than to avoid becoming anything like them. After 15 minutes I wanted to become gay and/or black (same reason as above). After 20 minutes I wanted to end my life, but not without taking them out first!

Listening to Eric and Kathy, as one colleague so efficiently put it, is like listening to people who watch The View. For those unawares, Eric & Kathy represent the typical white suburban couple. They talk about American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. They make fun of gross celebrities and local buffoons. They cheer our sports teams and jeer their enemies. They finish each other’s sentences. They use an ampersand in their ads. So cute! Like those bushy, multi-colored sweaters Bill Cosby made us wear in the 80’s, they are inexplicably a part of Middle America’s wardrobe. Why, my God why, do people put them on in the morning?

My wife laughs at me during my tirade. “They’re funny,” she says. “They’re harmless.”

You agree with her, don’t you? You think I’m being melodramatic. Eric and Kathy can’t be as bad as, say Jon and Kate. Here’s why they’re worse: Unlike the Gosselins, Eric and Kathy believe they are on some kind of high road. Eric and Kathy believe you relate to them. When they joke about secretly loving the Olive Garden they know you do too! The Gosselin’s want no part of Middle America. Eric & Kathy want it slathered in mayonnaise!

Full disclosure: When I drive, I sometimes listen to sports talk. The knuckleheads manning the mics are not above criticism. Far from it. But at least they speak of things that matter, like the over/under on Monday night’s game.

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7 Responses to ““Pair-of-normal activity” Eric & Kathy in your morning face!”

  1. Ann said

    I feel like im losing my soul when I have to listen to them. They are so bland that a possible call in idea for them is anyone who has ever eaten breakfast call 555-lame. I agree with you 100000000000%

  2. SRP said

    They are a soul-crushing force.
    Must…not…kill…

  3. Their ads alone enrage me, I’ve only heard a minute or two of their show. It fills me with disgust to know people like them. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one who can’t stand these two.

  4. “it fills me with disgust to know people like them.” really? have you spoken to your shrink about this? you might be a good candidate for serotonin reuptake inhibitor. just a thought.

  5. SRP said

    I’m sure Zach is being melodramatic, Jim.
    On the other hand have you ever listened to these two?

  6. no, never. but i have to say that if you want to truly subject your ears to some unspeakable horrors, try public radio. it’s like evesdropping on a conversation at a university of chicago mixer.

  7. CynDAles said

    The first time I was in The American Girl Store on 5th Avenue in NYC I realized that that is why terrorists want to kill us. But the morning radio show couples (here in Cincy it’s Chris and Jeanne) are a close second!

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