Bits & pieces II: yammering cabbies, wearying wizards and a bunch of missing corpses.

July 15, 2009

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Cellphone cabbies just ain’t “fare.”

In honor of summer distractions I’m writing bits and pieces this week. Some news, some rants. Part two:

It’s more than just annoying when a cabbie talks on the phone while driving; it’s also illegal. Still, my big wonderment is just who they’re talking to and why. Are they discussing the scenery? “Hey, Pauly, I just went by your favorite burrito shack. Guess what? It’s still there!” Are they chatting with loved ones? “So, honey, a couple was getting down in my cab and I thought of you.” Are they ruminating on NPR? Seriously, driving all hours what could they possibly have to say? And why would anyone want to hear it? Doesn’t make sense to me.

Beyond the tragedy of the Burr Oak cemetery scandal, I still don’t understand how these crimes took so long, ahem, to uncover. Wouldn’t it only take one lost dead person to unravel the whole scam? But hundreds…or even thousands?! Didn’t anyone notice grandmother was no longer where they’d buried her? As for the criminals, what was their explanation for missing corpses…even just one? I’m (forgive me) dying to know.

I’ve never read or seen Harry Potter. I know…I know…the books are really awesome, right? Don’t care. I can’t get past the goofy covers. That and I hate wizards and magic. Always have. As a teen I avoided Dungeons and Dragons, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings (never saw or read those either) and anything else that involved wands and spells.

Since I’m riffing on genres I loathe, I might as well add just about anything animated. Not since “Heavy Metal” or “Fantasia” can I recall seeing an animated film. I have three kids so it takes real effort avoiding these films. Don’t think I’m a snob. I love Spongebob and the Simpsons. I just can’t get up for feature length cartoons. (On a related note, I’ve already written about my acute distaste for anything Disney. It’s one of my better posts. I urge you to read it.)

Railed on this before but am I the only person who cannot stand the harmonic voice changers being employed by so many contemporary music artists? You know what I’m talking about. It started with that annoying refrain in Cher’s “Do you believe (in love)” but is now a part of just about every hip hop song I ever hear, which, by the way, is just about every song they play in my health club. Don’t these artists realize it sounds like they’re singing through a kazoo?

To avoid coming off as a curmudgeon, here are some things that I love: biking to work, fireflies, U2, Macs, reading, writing, sushi, french fries, fireworks, women who wear skirts, brunettes, business class, Diet Dr. Pepper, cheap cigars, fruit smoothies, homemade chocolate-chip cookies, big dogs (even though I have two small ones), fishing, running, zombies, mowing grass, tornadoes, Spongebob, old houses, front porches, back scratching, Cartier watches, a second wind, blue jeans, God, my girls, my job, and you for reading this.

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3 Responses to “Bits & pieces II: yammering cabbies, wearying wizards and a bunch of missing corpses.”

  1. Tyler said

    funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny post today Stef! so true. i often wonder what kind of cell phone plan cab drivers have . . . one that they can talk to people all over the world, non-stop, day and night. i want that cell phone plan. wizards creep me out and make me have to go to the bathroom. and Burr Oak, WTF?!?!?!?

  2. you may not like U2 much longer as with every passing year they (bono especially) become more of a cartoon.

  3. SRP said

    Jim-

    u2 stay relevant and the new album is good.
    could live without blackberry sponsor (last album was ipod)
    my opinion the real cringer was bruce at the superbowl.

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