Britney, Buicks and Blago. Not to mention a bankrupt client. Those, my friends, are things that suck.

January 19, 2009

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And so we come to the end. Last Friday Circuit City stopped breathing, bellied up. Everyone saw it coming but still. They’re one of our clients. Correction. They were one of our clients. Short-circuited now. Finished. And just weeks before the demise of analog TV. Ironic, huh? My agency more or less planned for this. We will make out. But what about the 40.000 Circuit City employees?

I know. We’re in a Recession. Maybe only the beginning of one. In the immortal words of Cheech and Chong, things are tough all over. Maybe so but if my foul mood needs a reason the “R” word about covers it. That and below zero temperatures.

Obama’s inauguration should cheer but right now I need to shed some hate. It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to. First up, Rod Blagojevich. And not just because he’s a cheat and a liar. We’ve seen those before. It’s his childish defiance and denial. When he quoted Rudyard Kipling in his defense I wanted to punch him in front of his children. Other reasons to loathe him are that bad, football-coach hair and his jerk-ass name. Who names their kid Rod? And here’s a tip. Given the whole world perceives you as a felon do you think it’s wise wearing all black all the time, and a tracksuit no less? You look like the cartoon criminal you undoubtedly are. Stand down, jerk!

Pop music sucks. I can’t think of an effen song younger than my daughter that’s worth 99 cents on I-tunes. Beyonce. Britney. Justin. Every single American Idle contestant. Who are these people? Sex pots with a good shower voice, that’s who. And that’s it. I guarantee no one will ever listen to any of this music five years from now, let alone remember its practitioners. Rock acts like the Fray, Maroon Five and Fallout Boy are so boring I can’t even drum up hatred. Must we rely on warhorses like U2 and REM for quality music?

And can we give the harmonic synthesizers a rest? You know what I’m talking about: that cheesy special effect singer’s use on their vocals. It’s not that I don’t understand the words it’s that the words sound awful. It was lame when Peter Frampton did it a million years ago. Enough. You sound like you’re singing through a kazoo.

There is nothing “real” about reality TV. Hello! There are cameras in the room. It is pro wrestling for girls, gay men and bored housewives. How anyone can relate to assorted booby housewives and has-beens is beyond me. This sort of programming has a slimy My Space veneer. I get why people like it. I just don’t like that people get it. And the shows that pretend a moral conscience? Whether rehabbing houses or junkies, the mock sincerity grates. I suppose some reality programming has conceptual value. Following around crab fisherman in the North Atlantic teaches us about hardship. Thankfully, there are no booty calls. Least liked of the lot: The Bachelor. How can any of these women (and men) look into the camera and claim they are looking for true love? Have any of them no shame? They want fame. Unfortunately, admitting it would diminish the program’s already paltry veneer.

The American auto industry deserves its miserable fate. The combustible fuel engine is so hopelessly last century. It was invented at the turn of the 19th! In less than 20 years we went from calculators and typewriters to computing. In the same span, we evolved music from vinyl to digital. What are cars doing burning fossil fuel? Not only does it pollute the air and cost a fortune; it’s running out! This view has nothing to do with my politics and everything to do with evolving technology and world reality. Besides, there are too many carmakers and too many car lines. If Chrysler went away, other than the loss of jobs, would anybody miss it? The same can be said for Buick. Maybe even Ford.

Finally, I’d like to return serve on all the haters hating big advertising agencies for being…big advertising agencies. Listen. When I started out I wanted to work only for a big advertising agency. I wanted to work on big brands and work with big people. I had big ideas. And I wanted to come up with many more. Of course I wanted the big office one day. That’s the American Dream, isn’t it? Those who don’t make it don’t for many reasons, some fair and some not. Blaming a big agency for personal failure is a cop out. Hating successful people for their success (in good times and bad) is hypocritical.
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Okay, I’m better now. In honor of Martin Luther King’s birthday I’m ready to practice acceptance and tolerance. But first lets put Blago in a Buick and push him off a cliff!

9 Responses to “Britney, Buicks and Blago. Not to mention a bankrupt client. Those, my friends, are things that suck.”

  1. Sarah said

    Wow, I hope you feel better! I couldn’t agree more with most of that and you started my morning with a smile, thanks for that!

  2. SRP said

    Out of grumpiness comes grandeur!
    We aims to please, Sarah.
    Thank you.

  3. I hate to be defending Pop music because I am not a fan of most of it… but, Wikipedia tells me Justin’s first solo record was in 2002, Beyonce’s in 2003, and Maroon 5’s first record was also in 2002. All three of them have won Grammy’s or multiple-Grammy’s and have been around for more than five years already. So, I believe your “guaranteed” prediction will fall considerably short.

    I remember a tirade of yours quite a few years ago on the same topic of how pop music sucks and you berating a relatively new band of time. You stated that this flash-in-the-pan would disappear shortly too. Of course, that band, Bon Jovi, hasn’t gone anywhere… just a couple years ago they were inducted into the UK Hall of Fame and won a Grammy, a CMT and People’s Choice Award and some other award for selling over 100 million albulms.

    Although I agree with you that none of these artists can hold a candle to UFO (a band that we both liked and talked about after your Bon Jovi speech), yelling about what these kids today are listening to only likens us to the old man who yells at kids to stay off his lawn.

  4. Steffan-
    Your second-to-last paragraph sounds like you’re suggesting people who work at small agencies can’t cut the mustard. Also sounds like you’re saying big ideas aren’t do-able at small agencies.

    You can find lots ridiculously talented people who choose to work at small agencies. As well as many small agencies doing an elite level of work.

    Speaking personally, I’ve worked at one agency with 12 people and another with around 25, and I feel that I have produced a pretty nice body of work for being a five-year old copywriter. I’ve also had MANY chances to take jobs at big agencies but have chosen not to thus far.

    Given that most of your posts reveal you to be a witty, caring, innovative, and reasonably humble thinker I will assume that paragraph was hastily-written.

    gods bless,

    Trueblood

  5. SRP said

    Mark-
    The paragraph was more a defense of big agencies than an attack on small ones. I’m just tired of all the pot shots at supposedly “big, dumb agencies.”
    Really, that was all.
    Wisdumb-
    You’re right on many counts, although I don’t remember hating on Bon Jovi. (I think they’re silly fun). And the last thing I want to be is the old fart barking at kids to get off his lawn!

  6. Rinsy, Rinsy, Rinsy. said

    Well, I for one can’t let a perfectly good UFO reference go down without spinning the Lights Out album in its entirety. LP, of course.

    Thanks Wisdumb!

  7. Pale Writer said

    Well, I for one can’t let a perfectly good UFO reference go down without spinning the Lights Out album in its entirety. LP, of course.

    Thanks Wisdumb!

  8. SRP said

    Speaking of UFO…
    The live album was recorded at the Chicago Stadium (now United Center) and I was at the concert, 7th row center. I am not kidding. Sometimes I think I hear myself shouting during the song breaks.

  9. Pale Writer said

    Sorry for the double post. Oh yeah, that live album was right next to Light’s Out in the files. Now on-deck. Best version of Love To Love ever!

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