A little “Kiss.” Call a doctor; I’m gonna be sick.

I wasn’t going to write about the Super Bowl’s advertising orgy but seeing as I tweeted throughout the game I might as well finish what I started.

Headline: The game was good. The ads were not. Period. As one of my Twitter companions pointed out: “Does god-awful sound reasonable? The most expensive dreck ever produced.”

Even the Who (looking like aging creative directors) got it up better than most of the advertisers –and they’re like a hundred years old.

The best spot by far was the lone entry from Google. Simple and lovingly produced, the product was truly a hero. Telling a story via numerous searches was as inspired as it was obvious. A small masterpiece.

My favorite campaign, by default, goes to E-Trade. Tired as those babies are, they still made me laugh. Especially the one belting out “Milk-a-what?” You had to be there.

The worst ad? Where to begin? For it’s pointless waste of tons of money I give the dubious honor to a Bridgestone TV commercial. In it, a road warrior-like clan stops a racecar demanding the driver surrender his tires or his life. The driver pushes a babe out of the car and races off. The evil clan’s leader yells: “not your wife, your life!” To coin a phrase: So funny I forgot to laugh. Reminiscent of a lousy Capital One commercial, the thing was badly cast, poorly produced and born from a concept lacking any insight into the product or human nature. That the discarded wife was ridiculously hot only added to the spot’s confused tone.

Speaking of hot babes, I could easily point to Go Daddy for second runner up as crappiest campaign of the night. But giving them a number one on this list seems like a lay-up. Besides, that’s what Go Daddy wants, isn’t it? “See,” the dirt bags at Go Daddy would say, “we riled up America again!” I won’t give them that satisfaction. And will somebody please tell Danica she’s not all that?

They’ll test well, but I also pretty much hated the work from Doritos. In one spot we discover a man inside a coffin stuffed with Doritos. He died a happy man. Get it? Lord knows eating that many Doritos will kill you…

Odd as hell: There were two ads featuring nude people (Career Builder and a car commercial whose make I’ve already forgotten) one after the other. And speaking of odd as hell redundancies, what are we to make of the midget Kiss band followed by shrunken Pittsburg Steeler, Troy Polamalu? Dwarves and nudists times two. Where else but in the Super Bowl?

The controversy over the rightwing Tim Tebow ad? The spot came and went like a gnat. No one was even listening. Yawn.

The big winner of the Super Bowl: Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints. With the Who and Google getting honorable mentions. On to March Madness.

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E trade Babies, hilarious out takes

I’ll never open an E Trade account. I don’t know anyone who trades or invests online. Honestly, I’m not even sure how that stuff works. It’s like online gambling. No clue. No interest either.

But I love those E trade babies! You know the campaign. It premiered on the Super Bowl -an infant glibly rapping about investments before spitting up. More commercials soon followed. All ripping. One spot had me laughing so hard I almost fell off the treadmill. Frankly, there was more hilarity in the 60- second version I saw at the movie theater than in the comedy I paid money to see.

Does that make this good advertising? Is it too silly for these dark economic times or just the thing? I wonder… But they sure are funny. The fact that this campaign was made by the never-heralded Grey New York adds to my wonderment.

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