“Why is goodness so gosh-darned boring?”

In my novel, The Happy Soul Industry God decides to hire an advertising agency to market Heaven. Frustrated by how few converts organized religion is bringing in, She (that’s right, She) reasons a modern advertising agency might capture the imaginations of young people better than current theological tropes. If the bible (and similar texts) serves as advertising copy for goodness then, God observes correctly, few are bothering to read it, let alone be motivated. Nobody reads body copy anyway, right?

One of the things that prompted me to write the book was the poignancy of God’s dilemma: that no one is paying much attention to goodness. A big question then is how come goodness is so darn boring?

It’s easy to fault ancient rhetoric. After all what’s more archaic than scripture? By definition it’s old. In the age of instant gratification and Twitter how can old-fashioned goodness possibly compete? It can’t and never could.

The Devil has always been a better showman than God. Even now, popular culture is rife with evil characters, from Twilight’s sexy vampires to legions of vapid, self-serving reality stars wallowing in their own depravity. Even the good guys need a dark side in order for us to identify with them. House is a doctor but he’s self-centered to the extreme and a drug addict! Indeed, the Seven Deadly Sins are pretty much standard fare these days. Lord knows we play fast and loose with them in Advertising. “We make you want what you don’t need,” reads the header to my blog. That’s envy, gluttony, lust, greed, pride and sloth. We’re only missing Wrath!

But why are God and Heaven uninteresting to us? How come they can’t compete with evil’s myriad titillations? Why does goodness come off the bus sleeping?

Already my kids dislike church. They were bored from day one. Is this the best way to ignite their tiny, vulnerable flames of spirituality -via hot air? Must religion be dull, uninviting and, er, preachy?

I suppose snake handlers bring excitement to their message. Certain Baptist groups rattle the rafters with hymns of joy. I love that Bono sings about God versus getting laid. But by and large mainstream religion is duller than a bag of hammers. When it is exciting it is usually violent. Sister Mary is going to thrash you! You’re gonna burn in Hell! Yikes. My children’s illustrated copy of the Old Testament manages to be both dull and terrifying. So much is wrong with this picture…

The average person is neither beast nor saint. If on balance, we are neutral then it stands to reason we can be motivated in either direction. So why has evil always been seductive and goodness not?

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I keep seeing this bizarre spot from US Cellular about battery swapping. Or at least I think it’s about battery swapping. To be honest, I get wierded out by the commercial so I never really pay attention to its message. Even as I write this I don’t actually know what this commercial is about. Yes, I could have studied the clip (I posted it after all) but I chose not to on purpose. Why? My ignorance is relevant to this discussion. I maintain the spot is so odd (and oddly boring) that I can’t (or won’t) discern what it’s about. I am made bored and uncomfortable by this commercial. An oxymoron I know. But that’s my reaction every time I see it.

A monosyllabic robot is playing jump rope with a strangely unresponsive child. As the robot turns the rope he delivers a message. Somewhere along the way the robot malfunctions…I think. The girl then stares at the robot with a look that can best be described as robotic. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure her catatonic reaction is unintentional. I honestly think the child simply can’t act or hasn’t been directed properly or both. I feel sorry for her. It’s all I remember from the commercial. See for yourself. It’s creepy.

Am I missing something? Is this TVC actually charming? Is the little girl cute? Is the robot cool? US Cellular is running the hell out of the spot so they must like it, right?

I’m not hating on this spot… per se. Hate seems too strong a word for this oddity. I don’t loathe it like I did “Saved by Zero” or, for that matter, the Progressive Insurance lady –both campaigns I punched around recently. Yet, with those campaigns at least I knew exactly what they were selling. Not so here.

What say you, Gentle Reader: Is this spot confusing and weird or am I just missing the point?

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The Adchick featured a pretty terrific German TV commercial the other day. Highlighting the spot here also gives me a chance to introduce la femme d’advertising to you. Adchick runs a small agency in “Hooterville” (her words). The small-town perspective she brings to the urbane but jaded world of Adland is always appreciated… and fun. Bookmark this lady, folks. You won’t regret it.

Adchick, you dirty bird!

As for the pro-bono TV commercial, it’s the perfect subject matter for my blog. It’s not that we haven’t seen the idea before. Variations on its theme are ingrained in popular culture. The idea of following a piece of currency (in this case 50 Euros) from one person to another reminds me of countless stories, films and, if you think about it, the evolution of communication itself. Is not the telephone game a variation on this theme?

Here the currency circulates through society’s grimy underbelly, from stripper to thug to drug dealer, eventually being put to “good” use helping a worthy cause. Such a simple idea, as old and universal as organized religion. Good triumphs over evil.

Understandably, most of the TVC focuses on evil. That’s what makes the spot cool, right? Yes, but I’d also argue there’s deeper meaning here, perhaps more so than even the filmmakers intended. While the currency is inanimate it symbolizes mankind’s descent into Hell. Money is the root of all evil, right? In this short film we partake in all seven deadly sins: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride. Why? Because hitting bottom is a necessary part of recovery. We need to wallow in depravity before getting saved.

Then redemption. When the banknote is finally placed in the charity jar the story is complete. More than a happy ending, through this act of contrition, the giver receives salvation. In a sense, we all do.

Out of pride, I’m sure the creators of this film only wanted to win some awards… but their creator found them as well! God works in mysterious ways. Especially the Gods of Advertising!

Adchick

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“We Want You! We Are You!”

I had an angry, violent reaction to the radio this morning. I am only just recovering. Hopefully, putting these thoughts down will mitigate the pain. I don’t know…

Some context: My wife was obliged to drive me to work, a rare event. My three daughters were also in the car, on route to school. As we all know, “morning drive time” is still a bastion of mass media -a radio stronghold. Mrs. Postaer had on a particular show: Eric & Kathy in the Morning.

I know Eric and Kathy from their innocuous billboards around Chicago. I am aware of their radio show from bits and pieces. However, I have never had to endure more than a few minutes with them. Until today.

Today, I learned why America’s mainstream is also a clogged artery. Today, I learned why terrorists want to kill us. Today, I became a victim of Eric & Kathy in the Morning. After 10 minutes of excruciating, inane patter I wanted to end my marriage – if for no other reason than to avoid becoming anything like them. After 15 minutes I wanted to become gay and/or black (same reason as above). After 20 minutes I wanted to end my life, but not without taking them out first!

Listening to Eric and Kathy, as one colleague so efficiently put it, is like listening to people who watch The View. For those unawares, Eric & Kathy represent the typical white suburban couple. They talk about American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. They make fun of gross celebrities and local buffoons. They cheer our sports teams and jeer their enemies. They finish each other’s sentences. They use an ampersand in their ads. So cute! Like those bushy, multi-colored sweaters Bill Cosby made us wear in the 80’s, they are inexplicably a part of Middle America’s wardrobe. Why, my God why, do people put them on in the morning?

My wife laughs at me during my tirade. “They’re funny,” she says. “They’re harmless.”

You agree with her, don’t you? You think I’m being melodramatic. Eric and Kathy can’t be as bad as, say Jon and Kate. Here’s why they’re worse: Unlike the Gosselins, Eric and Kathy believe they are on some kind of high road. Eric and Kathy believe you relate to them. When they joke about secretly loving the Olive Garden they know you do too! The Gosselin’s want no part of Middle America. Eric & Kathy want it slathered in mayonnaise!

Full disclosure: When I drive, I sometimes listen to sports talk. The knuckleheads manning the mics are not above criticism. Far from it. But at least they speak of things that matter, like the over/under on Monday night’s game.

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Two peas in a pod?

“Much of the Simpsons’ success can be traced to two main sources: an independence from network interference and a complete dedication to the writing…”

-John Ortved, The Unauthorized History of the Simpsons

The Simpsons TV show is the creative standard by which all comedy writing (perhaps all script writing) is measured. Few ever meet those standards. Many duck them all together. The Simpsons is also one of the most successful things ever created. Period. No part of popular culture (ours or anyone’s) is unaffected by this quirky cartoon. How and why can be summed up in the above quote.

As you might imagine, the above quote is sweet music to any creative person’s ears, especially if you’re a copywriter. Unfortunately, it is a song we seldom get to play or hear in the creative department. We get “network interference” all the time, so much so it is considered part of the “process.” And while we may have a complete dedication to the writing, few others in a typical agency do. And why should they? Writing is not their skill set. They are executives, strategists and managers. Their skill set, if you get right down to it, is to affect the writing, generally via “comments.” Comments can be good. Comments can be bad. My point is we don’t work in a vacuum.

The “curiously strong mints” campaign is my Simpsons. In my own unauthorized untold true story of Altoids, I make a similar statement to Ortved’s. A great campaign for many reasons but, in the early going, its meteoric success comes down to the same two things: autonomy and an obsession for writing. I obsessed over those headlines as my partner, Mark Faulkner obsessed over images, color scheme and typography.

In that first year we answered to no one, save for our creative director, who was only appreciative and supportive. Obviously, the client had to sign off (they were a joy by the way) but “network interference” was negligible. Why? No one in the agency cared. The budget was tiny and TV never an option. (Remember this was 1995 and this was Leo Burnett. TV was king.) Anyway, the rest is history: Wrigley bought Altoids and Lifesavers for $1.5 billion dollars.

Ultimately, many would contribute in the case study of Altoids (I’ve named them in previous posts as well as in an Adweek story) but year one it was just a creative team and an assignment.

So, what do we make of “network interference” aka the age-old battle between suit and creative? We are both on the same team, working for the same “network.” But the partnership is strained. Necessarily perhaps. And maybe that’s healthy. But for those once-in-a-lifetime campaigns –“Think Different” “Just do it.” “Curiously Strong Mints”- I’m guessing it’s the creative lonely man who called the tune.

“OMG, ‘Tis a mighty fine fireplace!”

Yes, I still read the morning paper. I can’t live without my laptop and PDA but I have this theory that technology is a hassle –albeit a minor one- first thing in the morning. A newspaper’s words and pictures are easier to stomach at this time, kind of like corn flakes instead of beef stew. Few advertisers care about we holdouts, however, hence the shrinking size of papers and their audience.

Among those still using newspapers as a primary advertising vehicle are the good folks at the Amish Fireplace Company. Every day I see a full page advert in the Chicago Tribune hawking oak mantles supposedly made by “Amish craftsman working their fingers to the bone…to make sure everyone gets their delivery in time for Christmas.”

Without getting into the particulars, the advertiser offers a ‘buy this, get that’ scheme featuring a heating mechanism and prefab oaken mantle or “portable encased Amish fireplace.” Extremely long copy employs every selling trick in the book: an endorsement from Good Housekeeping, a made-up “calling zone” dividing the United States into three bogus temperature regions, a 48 hour deadline for ordering from the “hot line,” and so on… The flowery and sensational copy reads like a 30-minute infomercial.

But my favorite part of this corny newspaper ad is the visual, which depicts a bustling workshop filled with overall-wearing Amish craftsman busily building fireplaces. Helping the men folk are numerous plaintive females, replete with long dowdy dresses and puritanical head wraps. Oh yeah, and they’re in a barn! It’s like Santa’s Workshop, but instead of elves the workers are all characters from American Gothic.

In addition to the corniness of the photograph is how wonderfully fake it is. Given the Amish theme, it’s ironic how much retouching is going on. In a blatant use of Photoshop, every stage of the building process has been crammed into a visual narrative: sawing, hammering, staining, polishing, etc. Subsequently, way too many people are doing way too many things. No way the Amish or, for that mater, OSHA would allow such conditions.

Looking again at the photo reveals many fake and hilarious details. Despite the close quarters, none of the workers are interacting. Each Amish person is religiously going about his or her appointed task. The effect is creepy not inspiring. About half way through the assembly line, the fireplaces are suddenly on! A worker applies stain on one as its fake logs burn. Scattered blocks of wood and shavings complete the surreal tableau.

Finally, we have the fireplaces. Little more than glorified space heaters, these oaken monstrosities couldn’t be more ugly. Just the idea of a movable, pre-fab, fake fireplace is tacky, let alone the garish finished product. It all seems so un-Amish. A separate inset photo shows a horse drawn buggy carrying the hideous contraptions down a lovely country road. Crazy!

Is this an exploitation of the Amish? I wonder if and how they are getting paid for this? Before declaring them victims, bear in mind most of our country’s mobile homes are built, in part, by the Amish. My point? Despite famously strict values, the Amish are on the record for being tacky as they are industrious. And what if they’re responsible for the product, outright? Is Amish Fireplaces really an Amish fireplace company? Why not? Native Americans run casinos. The website, amishfireplaces.com is hosted by Heat Surge, LLC, which suggests otherwise.

Whatever. I don’t much care. Ultimately (and ironically), the real victim of this scam is sense and sensibility.

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“Honey, this spot rocks!”

Here’s a Halloween treat from the Gods of Advertising: A double feature!

First up, from The Daily Beast, the 11 scariest movies of all time as chosen by famed director, Martin Scorsese. Few of his picks would be on my list (Where are the zombies, Martin?) but it’s a cerebral and global selection. On it you’ll find everyone’s favorite shocker, The Shining.

Martin\'s top 11 horror movies!

Which brings us to the next part of our double feature. My brother, Jeremy Postaer just completed two new Bing spots, where he serves as Creative Director and, of all things, voiceover! Both spots are surprisingly fun and a wee bit scary. Barely back from client approvals, here is the first, Vampire just in time for Halloween.

Client: Bing, Microsoft
Agency: JWT
Creative Director: Jeremy Postaer
Writers: Dave Ekholm, Brock Kirby
Art Directors: John Cornette, Andrea Schnieder
Producer: JD Williams
Dirtector: Craig Gillespie

Steffan\'s Twitter address

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From grimy to shiny!

In exchange for advertising and naming rights, The City of Chicago has agreed to let Apple renovate a dilapidated train station at North and Clybourn. The rehab will cost Apple approximately $4 million, according to Thomas Corfman of AdAge.com, who broke the story. The plan coincides with Apple’s new store slated to open in the area.

Folks, I love this idea. Unlike selling out a beloved institution like Soldier Field, Wrigley Field and the Sears Tower (now Willis Tower), the financially strapped city of Chicago can save or make money via its numerous, often decrepit train stations.

As I understand it, the station stays essentially the same, only now it will be cleaned and fixed as well as tricked out by some of the coolest ads on the planet.

Like a lot of cities and towns, Chicago is in financial trouble. Mayor Daley has announced he will be dipping into our cash reserves to mitigate the huge and growing deficit. We already pay higher state taxes than almost anyone else in the country. Under these trying circumstances, I say, go for it! Sell all the stations you can.

Station domination by Apple (or anyone) won’t end Chicago’s financial crisis but it’s that rare solution without a conspicuous downside –or one that I can see, anyway. And, as I stated earlier, commercializing an “L” stop won’t offend the romantic sensibilities of our citizenry. On the contrary, it might make visiting these places less gruesome and maybe even fun.

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“Hey, Irish, let’s make the world a better place!”

Watching the Notre Dame game this weekend, I was taken aback by the university’s advertising. Why? Because it’s good. Not awards show material, but solid. The campaign answers to the tagline: We are the fighting Irish. But instead of playing up the famous football team and the college’s illustrious all-American history, ND chooses a more enlightened interpretation to the line and, in turn, toward marketing their campus. Notre Dame is fighting for the environment, fighting for a healthy global economy, and fighting for the rights of handicapped athletes.

Normally, the obligatory commercial for each school playing in a televised game is just that: obligatory. Typically, we see students bent over their textbooks in the library or gallivanting across their picturesque campus. Often the propaganda intersperses famous alumni and iconic buildings. These are the motifs most often associated with college advertising. The approach is understandable, given budget constraints and financial priorities.

It’s not that Notre Dame avoids these elements in the construction of their advertising; it’s how they put them together. Most are well written, well produced and, in their own way, powerful.

Lest you think I’m a Notre Dame alum or fan, I’m not. Basically, I grew up hating Notre Dame and its goody-goody reputation. The fact that they always won drove me and countless others crazy. The fact that they have been losing of late mostly makes me happy, as it does my brother, Daniel who went to USC. I say mostly because my great friend, John Coveny (writer/producer: The Closer & Trust Me) is a Notre Dame alumnus. For his sake I want the team competitive. Sort of.

Regardless of one’s fandom, we have to give props to Notre Dame’s advertising campaign, especially the long form commercials. They portray ND as enlightened, world class and compassionate.

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Progressive or just plain annoying?

My friends at Ad Pulp wrote a post the other day on the ubiquitous “Progressive Insurance Lady.” (She’s doing her thing in the above clip.) Adpulp wondered if folks were grooving on the quirky, in your face character or hating on her. In either case, they correctly noted that she has already left a mark on pop culture.

Or is it a stain? While I must concede her notoriety, I don’t like the character. I don’t like her flirty, in your face attitude. Nor do I like her pseudo hip, cleaned up bohemian shtick. (Ooh, maybe she’s got a tattoo under that nurse outfit!) Can you say Janeane Garofalo? I could go on (and I will) but the bottom line is she drives me crazy in a bad way, not unlike the Verizon “Can you hear me now?” guy.

Fittingly, her name is “Flo,” which, as you know, is also the nickname many women attach to their periods. How apropos!

That said, according to a linked article on Adpulp, a growing number of people are enamored of the Progressive Girl; as a matter of fact, she seems to be attracting a cult following. By the way, the actress’s name is Stephanie Courtney and she claims to be “floored” by all the attention she’s getting.

Enjoy it while you can, Steph, it may become your legacy. Like Madge “You’re soaking in it” or the above-mentioned Verizon geek, you are rapidly becoming a human stain on our culture. You are conspicuous and hard to forget. As I implied in the opening, this may or may not be a bad thing for the advertiser. That all depends on what you think advertising is supposed to do. If sales and awareness are up it’s hard to argue with her. We still can, by the way. And sometimes should. If an ad campaign achieves its primary goals that does not absolve it of any wrong doing. Remember the yipping Chihuahua for Taco Bell?

But is Progressive building its client base? Just because a group of viewers developed a stalker-like fetish over this whitewashed hipster doesn’t mean the brand is deriving any benefit. If the Progressive Insurance Chick has a fan club, are any of its members switching to Progressive? I doubt it.

Characters we love to hate fascinate me. Maybe she’s one of those? I don’t know. Right now I just hate her. A lot. In fairness, and in conclusion, I should point out that it could be the scripts I dislike more so than the actor. So far the spots I’ve seen are cloying and pushy. And what’s with all that white space? Kind of reminds me of a 70’s version of heaven…for reasons unknown.

The Adpulp story

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