Charlie Sheen: Holy crap, did we drink your milkshake!

March 7, 2011


“I am the shark!”

Last week popular culture jumped the shark. Yes, I know popular culture is always jumping the shark. But not like last week. This was something else. Last week popular culture catapulted the shark.

Thank you, Charlie Sheen. I can’t recall such fanfare for one man –especially such a ridiculous man- in my entire goddamn life. Can you? In 2008, the buzz over Barack Obama came close. But Obama was about to become the first black president of the United States of America. Merely by speaking, Sheen single-handedly knocked rogue-psycho dictator, Kadafi off our front pages and, if we’re being honest, all of our radars. “Rivers of blood?” Yawn. Charlie gave us “Tiger’s blood & Adonis DNA!” By offering the Full-Monty of his Super Ego, Charlie Sheen turned on, turned off and transfixed the world.

Even Mel Gibson’s vile tirades of last year seem small by comparison. Whereas Mel came off sad and pathetic Charlie is…well… glad and pathetic. That’s it, then, isn’t it? His unmitigated glee. The TV shrinks claim we’re seeing mania, the chronic upside to a bi-polar disorder. So, where’s the crash? When does Adonis come whimpering onto Oprah begging for forgiveness? I don’t see it, either. Why should he? In between rants, Sheen jumped on Twitter and in 24 hours amassed over 1,000,000 followers. Now he’s doubled that, and counting. Usually hitting bottom requires the opposite to happen: people abandon you. Not hang on your every word.

Up until a few days ago, Sheen was known primarily for starring in a stupid but popular sitcom and for his relentless obsession with contraband, hookers and porn stars. Like his dad, he’d been in a few movies. Even a good one. But unlike most actors, Sheen stayed popular (and got paid tons of money) despite being a major-league douche bag. His bad boy rep actually seemed to help him.

And now it has catapulted him into the stratosphere. Already, he could make millions just on twitter sponsorships alone. Writing a book, he wants and will get $10,000,000 in advance for it. Of course he’ll do SN&L. Then maybe tour like Conan. And when he returns to Hollywood he’ll be treated like the “winner” he says he is.

Or maybe not. Sheen did a live webcast that by all accounts sunk his battleship.

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4 Responses to “Charlie Sheen: Holy crap, did we drink your milkshake!”

  1. I’ve been ignoring him with the power of my mind.

  2. catfish said

    This isn’t an indictment on Charlie Sheen. It’s an indictment on the hollow out remnants of what used to be a robust news media in this country. Does anyone know what happened in Afghanistan last week or the week before? Can anyone name one of the USAF servicemen who were shot down in Frankfurt in an ambush? Or who shot them and why? These topics might be covered on the once great CNN. Perhaps maybe for eight minutes. The problem is that we get Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan for the next 5000 hours.

    Forget what’s important. Forget what we might need to know. Forget the apocalyptic battle between Unions and the right to collectively bargain, and the Koch Brothers’s paid shills.

    I mean who wants all that downer stuff when we can see Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan and who knows…maybe Balloon Boy will make a comeback.

    • SRP said

      catfish-
      Could not have said it better. However, it is important to stress the “We” of all this. I, too, was captivated by Sheen’s antics.

  3. catfish said

    Thanks SPR. But I have to add that when I come home and my wife is watching Nancy Grace convict everyone, and see her stare at Headline News while they tell us “When we come back, we will talk with some experts who will answer the question “Is Tara Reid a narcissist?” I am bored shit less. I couldn’t give a rats ass about this privileged profligate asshat who pisses on his blessings.

    Most of what is on TV seems like a way to just distract us from the real news; a shiny vulgar object to look at instead of discussing the number of foreclosures, or the fact that 400 people in the country have more money than half the people in the country; or that one in seven Americans is on Food Stamps, or that seventh graders in Latvia know more American History than our 12th graders, or be reminded that bankers and mortgage houses preyed on the gullible and the working class who had just barely dug themselves out of the poverty level. It all seems like a bad dream.

    I watch news anchors talk about ‘the cushy life of teachers with pensions’ and I just want to move to Canada. I watch lies told in every breath, misinformation on every ticker, and not just on Fox, but on NPR, on ABC. I wonder wtf happened to the Eric Sevarides and the Walter Cronkites. Why is Jon Stewart, a comedian who appears for two hours a week, more informative than seven other 24/7 cable channels?

    I watch as judges allow bigots in ‘churches’ to yell insane epithets at the families of fallen Marines because of the First Amendment, but legislators deny first amendment rights to to people working in the same factory. I see “experts’ (Paid corporate shills) spreading lies about entitlements and watch as the “news” anchors don’t have the capacity or the curiosity to question any of it.

    It’s sad and even more than that, it’s scary. It’s like William Butler Yeats said “the best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.”

    You know what else is sad? The fact that this is more often discussed on trade blogs than on the news.

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